6 Rules of Life Confident Women Leadership Should Focus On!!!

Confidence is not a virtue one is born with. It is not genetic, hereditary or inherited. It is not that can be aped or emulated. One has to educate oneself in developing confidence, it needs to be leaned and practiced. It is a process! It requires constant work. And a small part of the confidence building process is shedding inhibitions by dealing with fears. Facing issues, facing insecurities and facing perceived shortcomings works better than eschewing fears. Because the storm doesn’t pass while the ostrich shoves its head in the mud.

 Examining the root cause of fear is the solution. You need to ask yourself:

• If it is serving the right purpose in your life or if its only leading to self-sabotage?
• How to devise strategies to deal with the fears in a rational and human manner to develop a fearless personality.

You see, confidence building is a like walking on a tight rope in the beginning but it gets easier with practice, technique and focus. Here is how you can navigate the blurred water of self-doubt and self-loathing.

1.Be an individual first, a woman later

We all carry our gender identity everywhere we go. The fact remains that in a work place and any industry only performance matters. The one who delivers is respected and remembered. But then everyone has their good days and bad which should be kept in mind always. That has nothing to do with gender. But women leadership does face gender related comparisons wherever they go. And that is the first thing they need to address.

Antidote:                                         

If you walk in confidence as a professional and not get over-whelmed with gender dynamics and power play, things either fall apart completely in a completely wrong set-up or fall into place in the right place. A lot depends on external factors and a lot of times processes are flawed so it’s better to associate mistakes with the gender (your’ or someone else’) and reframe your thinking towards positivity and balance.

Coaching questions:

1. Why is gender the core concern all the time?

2. Why does gender take over the individual?

2.Trust yourself first!!!

Every individual has a different way of doing a job. And they do it well when they do it their way. In a workplace there is a fixed system in place and there is a reason for that. Free hand can’t be given to people at all times. One has to strike a balance every single day between free-will and decorum.

Do you constantly plague yourself these questions:

• May be he/she knows better than me?
• How can I know better than so-and-so, they look smarter?!!
• Will my way of doing yield better than theirs, probably that’s not possible in this lifetime?
• Why do I feel less prepared all the time? May be because I am not good enough, after all?

Antidote:

If you have to trust someone, begin with oneself. The big question here is if you can’t trust yourself how will you choose the individual you can blindly trust? If you are not sure about your wisdom and judgment, wouldn’t it be more sensible in developing that instead of just being critical of oneself and unsure about others. Women leadership develops when women learn to lead oneself first.

Coaching questions:

1.How will I learn to strike a balance within myself?

2.How do I stop myself from doubting my wisdom?

3.How do I begin to trust my individual journey with courage?

4.How to curb the tendency of curbing that inner voice?

3.Take care of yourself!!! Be authentic and grateful!!! 

In the hustle and bustle of life, ridden with the several roles women play all the time simultaneously, there is one essential thing they tend to forget ; taking care of oneself. They operate robotically, sometimes mechanically and out of habit to be able to finish the chores they and others have assigned them. And leads to them asking really self sabotaging questions like:

• I should have finished this earlier! Am I being too lazy, I should not have taken the nap?
• May be I should skip yoga in the morning to prepare more of what others like for breakfast?
• Why can’t I work at the same pace as my younger colleague? Have I become too old to compete? 
• What’s the big deal if I nailed that presentation? I have way too much experience to not be able to do it well. Can’t get what they are praising me for?

Antidote:

Work towards your wellbeing-physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Take time out every day from your busy schedule just for yourself. To connect with yourself and whatever else that gives you a sense of wellbeing. That is the key to developing an authentic self and personal excellence. Depriving oneself of space, comfort and rest are the main reasons women fret more and feel less accomplished. Living your authenticity will automatically have you shun gender roles and wrong expectations from people.

When you are sure of who you are, what you want and how to get used to the struggle your self-talk will become more positive, more mindful and less critical. Personal excellence will follow as a consequence.

You will be grateful to life, and first and foremost to yourself. A calm and content mind makes a confident woman and a set an example of ‘successful woman leadership’. Contentment emanates from the habit of gratefulness. It really has its benefits.

Every day thank yourself for all that you did right and did well. The efforts you made, the thought you put in and the chances you took. All that you made to come to fruition. The people you trained, the work you got done and the example you set. Blow your own trumpet and talk about your peak performance, for others might miss out on your beautiful qualities. It’s not cocky to remind them!

Coaching questions:     

1.What should my first steps be in ensuring my wellbeing?

2.How do I start to nurture a sense of gratitude in me and turn it into a source of strength

3.How do I draw a plan of action to employ my mind in building an authentic personality?

4.Set your own standard and work towards your goals

At the risk of sounding sexist, I have to admit that women tend to worry more, fret more and indulge in self-doubt more than men. Society doesn’t allow women too many mistakes and this kind of psychological make-up tends to play havoc on the mental health and confidence of women. Yes, too much self-doubt also signifies your mind is not at peace and you have missed the point of it’s relevance to your performance in life and work-place. Women can never own their uniqueness if they have fear of failure and worry about catering to gender stereotypes. Failure doesn’t mean you are less than anyone. It means next time you will fare better with experience. It also doesn’t mean you have to be like someone else to be called successful

Antidote:

Doing well in life and career begins with feeling complete despite the knowledge of perceived flaws in oneself. Probably your flaw is your uniqueness. You never know. So have your own world-view and set your own standard. Experiment, discard what fails and keep what works! Know your mind and own your game!

The best bet is to begin first and not analyze too much. Because you can never be prepared enough and success as well as failure is a combination of factors. For neither are you alone responsible.

Coaching questions:    

1.How is your knowledge, wisdom and intellect enough for you right now?

2.What purpose is your worry serving in your life?

3.Are you burning yourself out by playing roles others have assigned for you?

4.Does your definition of a woman comes from what is not typically understood as a feminine trait?

5.Best sign of education is a calibrated thought process and expression

Are you too outspoken for people? Are you too abrasive in your expression? Are you too loud for your colleagues? When and what is too aggressive or too loud? Who does and where to draw the line between assertiveness and nastiness. These are difficult questions.

In a work-place setting, a lady boss needs to ensure that her communication nurtures her team, increases the morale of her team and leads to more productivity. A good lady boss keeps her communication clear, calibrated and authoritative yet respectful, & calm. It becomes all the more important during a transitional leadership phase. The only way to ensure that is to not compare oneself with male counterparts. Do you constantly say to yourself:

• This is a man’s job perhaps?!!
• What do they like me for, my look and style or my work?
• Was I not lady-like when I reprimanded my male subordinate? Do I need to be more motherly?

Antidote:

Your education, vision and hard work should be the basis of your communication style. And like all good education, revision and upgradation is the way to remain confident. When you don’t compare yourself with men, no matter how much others do, they will eventually come around and accept your uniqueness instead of imposing their lookout on you. Your well rehearsed confidence will help you conciliate better in disputes.

Coaching questions:              

1.How to use communication effectively to ensure peak performance from my team?

2.Am I focusing too much on how I say than what I say? How to correct that?

6.Know that self deprecation and humility are two different things

Being demanding at work, taking favours and learning on the job seem easy but they are not. One could start feeling small, inadequate, unprepared, not-enough, less-than, less likeable and even stupid. Taking it easy and taking it in stride is the key to feeling upbeat. Sometimes, things need to be reworked to make the project better so more effort is needed from you and others. Exchanges and assistance during a heavy work flow day are not personal favours and one need to keep that in mind.

You don’t become small because you sought help.

Antidote:

Focus on your strengths and not your flaws. Your skills and qualities are enough to get you respect so neither cater to gender stereotypes nor operate like a people pleaser. When you learn to see the good in yourself and practice to see that first, you will learn to appreciate the good in others. Within a team, praise, acknowledgement and discipline go a long way in building confident members. Start the journey alone and inspire others.

Coaching questions:          

1.Which are the effective methods to inspire myself and others?

2.When is being prepared, being prepared enough?

3.What are making yourself believe about your exchanges at work? 

Conclusion:

Celebrate the success of other women at work with the complete knowledge of how hard they have worked despite odds to get where they have in life. Accept when you are wrong but don’t let others castigate you or discriminate against you because of your gender, age and place of birth. And know that your job is not just to build your own confidence but also of your kind. And that would be sealing your victory!!!

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