HOW TO FIND LASTING HAPPINESS, WHILE WORKING TOWARDS OUR GOALS
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FOCUS ON YOUR FEELINGS, NOT ONLY YOUR GOALS !! |
Contrary what we've been told, achieving our goals does NOT give us lasting happiness. Working towards and achieving goals is the PURSUIT of happiness. Because eventually the euphoria wears off and then we're back where we were before. What will give you LASTING happiness is learning to deal confidently with difficult situations, feelings and emotions...
That's not to say we shouldn't have goals. I'm a coach - I LOVE goals! But what's absolutely critical to our LASTING happiness is not goals, but how we deal with life's inevitable problems.
Imagine for a moment that you are a billionaire. You can have anything you want. And while some goals may take a while to achieve, you'd have the money and influence to get the best experts in the world to teach or help you, and be able to keep trying without fear of financial consequences. You can pay people to do anything you don't like to do - housekeeping, tax returns, picking up the dry cleaning, someone to help you exercise and keep you on track. You'll have your pick of romantic partners and cool friends, and the best TVs, cars, homes, holidays - every 'toy' you ever wanted. Perhaps you're a philanthropist too, making a difference in the world.
Yay! And yet we all know how that can end. Think about all the stars who are unhappy, depressed, drug, sex or alcohol addicts - and more. Yes, you got it - we can't buy true love or friendship.
But now I want you to imagine that you're even more fortunate! You have your billionaire lifestyle, you're making a difference AND you have a partner, family and friends who truly love you. Awesome!
And then BEAR WITH ME FOR A SECOND...
The point I'm making is that even with ALL the money we ever wanted AND a loving family and friends we can still get an ailment, our loved ones can get hit by accident, our house can get burgled. You see the thing we all like to forget is that however 'wonderful' life is, crap still happens.
And yet, we're led to believe by society, films, advertising and sometimes even the wonderful self-help industry that we're a part of, that it's achieving our goals (or money) that will make us happy. And yes, achieving our goals gives us a burst of happiness. But what helps us find LASTING HAPPINESS in life is learning to handle life's inevitable difficulties - and the resulting painful feelings and emotions.
Of course there are many other factors to lasting happiness including - being grateful for what we have, accepting and loving who we are, having enough challenge to stretch us without stressing us out, people we love and trust who love us, helping and being of service to others and more. But we can have ALL of this - and things will STILL happen that give us emotional and physical pain.
Because pain and discomfort are a certainty in life. But when we know we can deal with ANYthing life throws at us - there's nothing left to fear. And when we're no longer afraid we can relax and enjoy life more, take more risks, succeed more and worry less. In short, we're happier!
So, work towards your goals - and enjoy the temporary happiness you feel when you achieve them. But if you want to be happier for LIFE, remember that confidently dealing with our painful feelings and emotions - rejection, pain, disappointment, betrayal - is where it's AT.
In fact, why not add this as a goal? I know it's one of mine. Because if you learn this skill, you won't just be pursuing happiness, you'll be happy for life.
"The problem is not that there are problems.
The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
-Theodore Rubin


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